I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
