so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
