i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
