Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
