My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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