Your tits are I can't wait for
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
