did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
