this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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