lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
