If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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