im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
