I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
