I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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