but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
