i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You ate ashes out of my bong
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