Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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