"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
