You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
