Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
