I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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