wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
A bitchslap is in order.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
