I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
