Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
