the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
