I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
