"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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