i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
