Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
