Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
