i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
