I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
