I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
