Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
