Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
this hospital has no fireball
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
soo... how was my night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
