My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
