hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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