I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
