I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
