that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
