you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
