All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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