omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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