Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
