i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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