We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
