yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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