I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
