I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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