Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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