And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
