He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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